Your readers don’t read novels to be bored. They want to FEEL something. Tears at 2 a.m. Belly laughs. Heart-pounding tension.
That’s pathos—awakening emotion in your audience. Without it, your scenes fall flat and readers walk away forever. Your readers desire an emotional experience; that’s why they read fiction. That’s the reason you need sympathetic characters, internal and external conflict, and an interesting plot.
This is part three of a six-part series on writing persuasive fiction using rhetorical principles. In the past two articles of this series, we discussed what persuasive fiction means and ethos, aka credibility that keeps readers hooked.
Aristotle described pathos as “awakening emotion in the audience so as to induce them to make the judgment desired.” (1)
Flat scenes are the main reason readers put a book down. A limp, listless scene gives them an excuse to put the book down and walk away forever, and they do.
Avoid flat, listless scenes that go nowhere emotionally.
Every scene you write needs to evoke emotion, so take your characters (and your readers) on an emotional roller coaster ride. I don’t mean you need to jerk your readers around and manipulate them, but if your scene begins on a high point, take them down that next hill toward a low point. If your scene begins at a low point, at least let a ray of hope shine down as your character struggles to climb the next hill.
In general, make the first slide downhill a doozy. The most thrilling part of roller coaster ride is the first drop; the one that sets the journey in motion. This is where the plot gets set in motion.
The cars clank, clank, clank toward the precipice. Anticipation builds. Then, even if we can see the descent in the distance, we don’t experience the full horror until we crest the hill and gaze into the abyss below. There’s no way but down. Down. Into the twists, turns, and tunnels at lightning speed.
Tips to avoid writing flat scenes:
Entertain.
It’s not about spills, thrills, and chills. Entertainment can be lighthearted too. I love James Herriot’s books; he can make me cry, but frequently he makes me laugh out loud.
For example, in All Creatures Great and Small, by James Herriot, there’s a scene when James’s boss, Siegfried Farnon, is looking to hire someone to do his office bookwork, and in comes Miss Harbottle:
“You gentlemen will need to learn to write if I am going to look after your books. There are three different hands here, but one is by far the worst. Quite dreadful. Whose is it?”
She pointed to an entry which consisted of a long, broken line with an occasional undulation.
“That’s mine, actually,” said Siegfried, shuffling his feet. “Must have been in a hurry that day.”
“But it’s all like that, Mr. Farnon. Look here and here and here. It won’t do you know.”
Siegfried put his hands behind his back and hung his head.
Made you laugh. And that brings us to the next point.
Enlighten.
Through their lines and body language, Herriot has provided us with:
- characterization,
- conflict,
- hope,
- disappointment, and
- embarrassment.
He did all of that without naming an emotion or telling the reader how to feel.
We laughed because Miss Harbottle called Siegfried out in front of witnesses. The author used pathos in this scene, and we enjoyed the end result.
Engage.
For every scene, ask yourself:
- Would a reader want to continue to read?
- What questions have I raised in their minds?
- What was the emotion at the beginning of the scene? How did the emotional tone change?
- Have I engaged my readers with pathos?
Did Siegfried hire the estimable Miss Harbottle? If so, did she straighten things out in the back office? Are there more funny scenes like this one?
Nope. I won’t answer those questions; you won’t regret reading the book yourself.
Avoid (obvious) manipulation.
I’m going to pick on Nicholas Sparks for a minute; he’s a big-name author, so he can take it. I’ve seen two movies made from his books, and I actually own a paperback copy of A Walk to Remember.
Sparks writes emotional fiction, and he is well known for tugging at heartstrings and making people cry. Nothing wrong with that.
However, I’m one of the folks who feels manipulated when I read his books, and for me, that’s a problem. Just to double check my memories, I pulled out A Walk to Remember, and no lie, the paperback opened to page 117. (3)
Bingo! Landon asks Jamie about the Bible she always carries with her. She tells him that it belonged to her (dead) mother. He apologizes for bringing up a sore subject, and she assures him it’s okay. Then she explains:
“My father and mother were given this Bible for their wedding, but my mom was the one who claimed it first. She read it all the time, especially whenever she was going through a hard time in her life.”
I thought about the miscarriages. Jamie went on.
“She loved to read it at night, before she went to sleep, and she had it with her in the hospital when I was born. When my father found out that she had died, he carried the Bible and me out of the hospital at the same time.”
First, Jamie’s mother died in childbirth, so Jamie is parroting what her father told her; she has no memories of her mother or how her mother read this particular Bible all the time. But readers are supposed to believe Jamie is especially attached to this memento.
Second, the reader must accept that Jamie is willing to carry her most precious belonging everywhere, regardless of the wear and tear on the book and the ridicule of her peers. Sure, a preacher’s kid carrying a Bible isn’t that far out (at least in the US), but carrying around her mother’s Bible is a stretch.
Third, what a sob story: “When my father found out she died, he carried the Bible and me out of the hospital at the same time.” Pure emotional manipulation.
Sparks stops just short of telling the reader to feel sad. Or does he? Landon apologizes again and thinks: “Whenever someone tells you something sad …” [Emphasis added.]
There are millions of readers who don’t care when an author is quite obviously pulling at their heartstrings, but I prefer my emotions to be stirred in a more organic manner.
Let your readers decide what is funny or sad or infuriating. Let your readers decide without blatant manipulation, without telling them how they are supposed to feel.
And now that I’ve criticized a successful author whose shoes I am not worthy to untie, let’s move on.
Avoid melodrama.
Melodrama is difficult to avoid because you need conflict and drama, but if your scene would make a good soap opera episode, complete with intense stage lighting, please revise your scene.
Dialogue is the most common culprit in a melodramatic scene because there’s a thin jot and tittle between great dialogue and on-the-nose lines. Your characters’ conversations must rise above the mundane but not go too far beyond realistic speech.
Dialogue is speech, perfected. That’s another reason I picked on that line by Sparks: “When my father found out she died, he carried the Bible and me out of the hospital at the same time.”
Who speaks that way? In my opinion, Jamie’s line rose above the watermark for realistic speech.
On the other hand, I prefer Jamie’s lines to banal conversations about the weather. Dialogue about the weather should serve an essential purpose, or it needs to go.
Skipping some of the things people always talk about is a means of perfecting dialogue. But I digress.
Mustache twirling speeches are a prime example of melodrama. Cut them short, and keep them sharp. Also, remember that your villain believes they are the protagonist, so write accordingly.
Be careful in your break-up scenes. I mean, people are emotional, but make your characters’ lines cut deep without sounding overly engineered. Same with your I-love-you scenes. Sorry, romance writers, I’m also talking to myself here.
We love the Gilmore Girls for their sparkling repartee, but give the actresses credit for delivering those lines well. Somehow, the ladies playing Lorelai, Rory, and Emily Gilmore make their lines seem realistic even though viewers know normal people are not so swift with one liners.
Writing dialogue is a balancing act; it needs to entertain, to characterize, to inform, and to move the plot along, but it mustn’t stray into melodrama.
Tips for conveying emotion.
- Write perfected dialogue that stays in character. (See above.)
- Choose words for their emotional connotation. Trudged has a completely different connotation than stalked. Rose red has a different nuance than blood red. Word choices provide clues your readers absorb subconsciously.
- Use sensory details to set the mood.
- What does your point of view character notice?
- Do they notice the sparrows tweeting in the bushes nearby or the crows cawing above?
- Are they conscious of the unwashed stench or the sandalwood cologne?
- Do they mention the freshly baked cookies on the counter or the cracked, green vinyl beneath their feet?
- Include conflict in every scene. Say it with me: every scene needs conflict. Scenes with both external conflict and related internal conflict are what your readers crave. For more about conflict, see: Fear and Desire, Keys to Conflict | Writing Pursuits.
(1) Aristotle, and George Alexander Kennedy. (1991) Aristotle On Rhetoric: A Theory of Civic Discourse. New York: Oxford UP. p. 119.
(2) Herriot, James. (1972) All Creatures Great and Small. New York: St. Martin’s Press. p. 105.
(3) Sparks, Nicholas. (2001) A Walk to Remember. New York: Warner Books. p. 117, 118.
Assignment: Study your favorite novel for ways the author created pathos on the page.
- Did they use each scene to entertain, enlighten, and engage to avoid writing flat scenes?
- Did they avoid obvious emotional manipulation?
- Did they stray into melodrama? If not, how did the author keep things exciting without going too far?
- Check for emotional connotation in the word choices of your favorite scenes.
- Which sensory details created the mood?
- What were the best bits of perfected dialogue you especially enjoyed?
- Is there internal and external conflict in every scene?
Be sure to read the previous posts in this series:
Persuasive Fiction: Make Your Book Impossible to Put Down | Writing Pursuits
ETHOS: How Credibility Keeps the Reader Hooked | Writing Pursuits
Thanks for reading!